I think the other folks have provided some good overall-impression comments. Here's some more specifics for you.
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Originally Posted by gufomel
The prompt is: "The United States government has become so corrupt that people who vote in national elections are wasting their time. Agree or Disagree."
"Calling voting in national elections a waste of time because the United States government is too corrupt is not a valid argument.
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I'd suggest that you write your topic sentence as if the audience didn't know the prompt. This sentence implies that the reader knows the prompt and simply jumps right into the argument. This makes it look like a "writing assignment" not a stand-alone essay, if you know what I mean.
You would be better off to rephrase the prompt as your topic sentence. Maybe make it a question and draw people in....something like:
Does voting make a difference? Some people say that the United States government is so corrupt that votors in national elections are wasting their time. Are they right?
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Our country is founded on the saying "we the people of the United States."
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If you are going to put a large section in quotes (the "we the people" section), you usually need a comma before it (after the word "saying").
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By not voting, we take the power of government out of the hands of the many and place it in the hands of the few. While the United States government certainly has flaws, providing it with even more power would lead our country down a dangerous path.
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It's not exactly clear when you say "putting it in the hands of the few" if you mean the few people who will vote, or the few people in government. Because, after all, there will always be a FEW people who vote.
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Freedom of speech is one of the greatest blessings we have in this country. We can voice our opinions in numerous ways, including popular methods such as forming interest groups or leading protests. However, our unique right and one that is not provided to many people throughout the world is the right to elect who leads our country.
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Your transition between the freedom of speech and voting could be stronger. I think you are trying to say that voting is the strongest way we make our voices heard, but you need to come out and actually say that. You refer to it as a "unique" right, but I think you're trying to say, "most important" right? Always think about making transitions clear. Step back and pretend you are an ignorant persn thinking about the matter for the first time. Are you making the connection clear enough for them?
Also, the sentence beginning with "However, our unique right..." is a run-on sentence. You should set apart the clause in the middle, like this:
However, our unique right--and one that is not provided to many people throughout the world--is the right to elect who leads our country.
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Not only do we get to vote, but we can have confidence that our vote is counted. As a result, those who are running for office must be attentive to the wants and needs of our nation. A protest can be ignored, but the threat of not being elected because of stances on issues is what keeps our elected officials in line.
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Excellent paragraph. Succinct and persuasive.
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Furthermore, by not voting, we take power away from the many and place it in the hands of the few.
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You already said that. Never repeat exact verbiage. You can restate the concept but do it in a very different way.
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It is said that "power corrupts, but absolute power corrupts absolutely".
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Periods should ALWAYS go inside the quotation marks.
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The meaning of this statement is simple, and was key to the Founding Father's reason for developing a representative democracy.
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Your apostrophe on "Father's" is in the wrong places. Founding Fathers is plural......there were many of them. So the apostrophe should go after the "s"--as in, "Founding Fathers' reason."
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The fewer the people that have a say in government policies, the more corrupt government becomes. This is because that elect group is not supplied with sufficient differing opinions on issues. They rely solely on their own beliefs, rather than those of the people thath their decision will affect.
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This isn't the strongest argument you could make. Being supplied with lots of differing opinions does not automatically mean a government is less corrupt. Corruption can be rampant in the midst of a myriad of opinions. Corruption is much more tied to unchecked opportunities for personal gain.
That is why voting is important--it's a major accountability factor.
Always stop and assess your facts critically. Try to think of real-life examples that could disprove your point and test its validity. We have a ton of different opinions floating around our government today and it's still pretty corrupt, either because of the lack of accountability in many areas or the apathy of the people in enforcing the accountability.
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We as citizens of the United States cannot fall into the trap of believing that our government is too corrupt for our vote to make a difference. Apathy towards voting can only make matters worse. It is our duty and right to voice our opinion on public policy by taking part in national elections. If we do not, we lose our control over the actions of government and give it even more power to make corrupt decisions."
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Nice closing paragraph.
Good luck!