Just a quick thanks...

mlwilliamsiv · #1 (**permalink**) 05-06-2008, 07:56 AM

Hello everyone.

I thought I would just take this time to express to you all my gratitude. I do not know where I would be right now if I had not found this site. Although I have expressed myself before, I just thought I'd share with you my thoughts and feelings regarding my Life and hope that for the "newbie's" which I still consider myself to be, some inspiration to keep trucking ahead no matter the costs.

I am 27 years old. I've been through a whole lot in my short life on this earth. The person that you all have come to know didn't exist a short while ago.

I suffer from depression. I have been depressed for quite some time. And as a result of that, I have been living my life in a box. The things that I'm doing now should have been accomplished already. The worst thing this world has ever seen is not Aids, or world hunger, or genocide....it is the waste of human potential.

The saddest thing to experience is to know that you have what it takes in your heart, but can't find a way to bring it into fruition. To be able to do the things you want to do, have the things you want to have, and be the person that you were intended to be. You wind up losing out and miss life because you won't allow it to manifest in your life because of trivial things....things which do not matter in the "Grand" scheme of things. That's why I put that quote in my signature, as a constant reminder to myself to keep things in perspective at all times.

No matter what your religious beliefs are, I know that if you believe in a Supreme Being, there is one characteristic that they all have in common; and that is that Life is short. We do not know how long we have on this planet. So it is in our best interest to make the most out of what we have. We all have vices and superfluities that we need to contend with on a day to day basis, but we need to know on the inside who we are as a people.

I am not perfect, nor will I ever be...but I can "strive" to be perfect. I do not want to die with any potential, talents, or gifts, unused. I read in a book once that the richest place on earth is not some oil-rich country, or some diamond mine in Africa, it is the graveyard. Think about all the people who have ever lived, since time immemorial, who have died and gone to their grave with potential unused. Books that were never written, movies that were never scripted, cures that were never found, and lives that went untouched, because people died without living up to their full potential.

I have realized now more than ever how troubled this country is. This nation is in peril. The economy is looking dim, gas prices are skyrocketing, natural disasters are occuring leaving thousands dead and more homeless, and et cetera. But we can hope. We can all hope and strive to make this place a better world than we found it. We must believe in some measure of hope...and with that find peace...that peace which surpasses all human understanding.

Just us being here alive is a testament in itself. That means every day is a new day, filled with new mercies and new opportunities. When you can wake up and say, "This is the day." This is the day that I will change. This is the day that I will help someone in need. This is the day when I will tell that special person that I love them. This is the day that I will mend that broken relationship. This is the day I will take my first CLEP exam. This is the day. Because if each day is not the day, then when will be the day? Tomorrow is not promised to anyone. My mother used to say, "You can't sit on the bench all your life...at some point, you gotta get in the game." You can't just sit around and let life pass you by. I don't want to be 50, 60, or 80 years old sitting in a recliner, thinking about things I should have done or could have done. I want it now. You just have to believe. All things are possible for those who believe.

With all that being said...I just wanted to say how much I appreciate all of you on IC. I have taken 4 CLEP exams since April 1, 2008. You can see all the credits I have in my signature. And this is coming from a man who completely gave up on life not too long ago. A man who just 7 short months ago was contemplating suicide because I didn't believe I deserved to live. A man who was too heartbroken and distraught to even cry. And less than 24 months ago, I was shot in an attempted robbery. And I am still here. God is no respector of persons...so if he did it for me...he will do it for you. We all have a purpose. And it is our duty to find out what that is and that it entails. We all are here for a reason.

We all on this forum have a chance to do something big. Some of you have already finished what the rest of us are trying to do. And I am so proud of you that have already graduated or will be graduating relatively soon. That gives me the motivation to stay on track when I start to slip back into those old patterns. And for those who are like me...we will get there. We just have to take it one day at a time. Remember...Rome was not built in a day!

This site is a godsend. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. And there is a reason why I found this site. I will forever be in debt to all of you on IC. I thank God everyday for what He is doing in my life and in the lives of so many others. I try to remember that who I was and the person that I'm trying to become, are two different people. I will run my course. I will finish my race and failure is not an option.

I believe in life, you get out of it what you put into it. Just like this site. For those relatively new to IC, there is an abundance of information on here. Helpful tips, advice, and study resources. Take advantage of that. Do not be afraid to ask for help because we all need it at some point or another. No one does anything by themselves. Ask, learn, and take action. And one day my friends....one day....we will reach the mountaintop.

Thank you to everyone for the kind words, the motivation, and continued support. Thank you for the encouragement as well, it is greatly appreciated. This forum is a constant reminder for me that good people still exist in this world. With so much negativity in the world, this site is my safe haven. I thank God for you all always and I constantly keep you in my prayers.

May the blessings of heaven rest upon you and your families always. And may the peace of God reign in your hearts as it does it mine.

From a loyal degree seeker,

Marshall

Danielp248 · #2 (**permalink**) 05-06-2008, 09:23 AM

Wow! Very moving post. My manhood is not ashamed to admit that I had tears in my eyes when I read your post. Your post sent shivers up and down my spine. Thank you for sharing your experience. I hope you don't mind if I print it out and hang it in my room. It will be a constant reminder that the human character has the strength to uplift people and most importantly uplift itself. Thank You.

floppydee · #3 (**permalink**) 05-06-2008, 09:32 AM

Marshall, I have to say that post is very inspiring to a newbie like me! You post moved me to tears. I always enjoy your posts, your insight is positive and uplifting to us all, when we too have those days when we want to give up.

I commend you on all your hard work, and I wish you all the best in all your life adventures!!

Greggy_D · #4 (**permalink**) 05-06-2008, 09:35 AM

Damn. If Marshall's post doesn't say it all, I don't know what does.

Way to go, brother. Hang in there and ride this train out.

bmills072200 · #5 (**permalink**) 05-06-2008, 09:36 AM

Wow - awesome testimony...

I have no doubt that there are amazing things in your future...

ShotoJuku · #6 (**permalink**) 05-06-2008, 09:56 AM

Marshall -

You truly are a brave man amongst men. You have, and will continue to conquer, any and all demons and obstacles whether they be internal or external in nature.

The Father does watch over us all and we are all part of a greater plan.

I believe that your story will inspire others to forge ahead and complete not only their degree but also serve as a reminder of how blessed we may all be.

Thanks for sharing....

Respectfully Yours,

mlwilliamsiv · #7 (**permalink**) 05-06-2008, 11:14 AM

Hello my dear friends.

I was extremely glad to share that story with you. It kinda just came out. I sat down to type a few things and the next thing I know...I wrote a novel!

In response to Cinderly's post...thank you for the kind words and support. I do battle with my depression constantly. Everyday is a struggle believe me. The only not so good news is that I am not on any medication and I know I probably do need to be on something. It's just kind of tough because I don't have the financial resources or health insurance to get the help that I know I need.

Based on what my mother told me...depression did run heavy on her side of the family. I told her, "thanks for telling me that now." That made me more upset, because I could have gotten some help years ago. I've seen 2 therapists in the last 7 months. The first guy was okay but I don't think I would have gotten the help I know I need. The second guy was a total quack. I come to him for help and he's complaining to me about his job and how he is working on his Master's to get out of his field!!! What kind of crap is that tell a "patient!!!" I had only 4 visits with him and needless to say...nothing. There was never a fifth visit because the office assistant called me and told me that he quit.

That's why I just try to take it one day at a time. Sometimes I'm okay and some days are good. And there are other days when I wake up depressed for no reason at all. It's just like flipping a switch with me...you never know what you are going to get.

I've been doing some research on what condition I may have but it's hard to really pinpoint because there are so many. I think I can pretty much rule out bipolar disorder, but hey...I could be wrong about that. So I don't know what to do. All I do know is that I can no longer live this way anymore. I want to much out of life and I expect great things from me. I don't want to be hindered by something that I may technically not have any control over. Quiet is kept...I've been this way since I was a child. I think it kinda just started getting worse once I hit my teens.

I do believe what you said Cinderly about it not being my fault. I just wish that I could have gotten the help I needed a long time ago. It's no telling where I would be in my life right now had I done so. I've been living this way for at least the last 12 years. I don't like going through this but this happened to me for a reason. I'm a fighter...I will survive.

Thanks again to everyone that responded to this post. I really wasn't expecting to get any responses. I just wanted to share what was on my heart at the time.

Please pray for me.

From a loyal degree seeker,

Marshall

annetravels · #8 (**permalink**) 05-06-2008, 12:30 PM

I really appreciate your post. What you wrote was very moving and your story is extremely inspiring to me and I am sure many many others.

I am new to this board and even though this process is "easier" than the traditional approach to completing a degree. There is still a lot to learn, plan and navigate. I was very overwhelmed with the thought of planning and following through with completing my degree. However, now I am excited at the thought of stepping closer to successfully completing my education. You are showing me that no matter what you have dealt with you have survived, and continued on in your journey. You are succeeding- every day you are moving forward and very soon I know you will reach your goals and dreams.

WendyR · #9 (**permalink**) 05-06-2008, 08:51 PM

What a beautiful post, Marshall. You can do this - we believe in you!

Pattie · #10 (**permalink**) 05-06-2008, 09:19 PM

Marshall:

OK...so I just sent Wendy an email bitching about how I struggled through my Business in Society exam tonight...and now I am humbled. Your words reminded me that there is so much else that is important in this life. So, if I failed it, I failed it...tomorrow is another day and I'll pick myself up and start all over again (sounds like a great line for a song :-) !)

Seriously, there are so many resources out there for you. Cinderly has given you some good direction. Don't give up...there is help out there...but you must be persistent. It sounds like your experiences to date with "help" have been truly frustrating and UNHELPFUL. Just remember that you are an asset - an asset to those who know you personally and an asset to society as a whole. You have something to offer. Keep working toward your goal.

From a loyal Marshall fan
Pattie

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