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Need advice about jobs - HELP!
#11
(08-09-2018, 02:03 PM)davewill Wrote: I've walked in his shoes. I spent ten years not getting my first two years of college done before giving up, while wondering why my peers could just go to the university and bang out their degrees. We didn't know about ADHD then, but that's what it was. I managed by pushing forward to learn computer programming on my own and eventually became a software developer without a degree. Even then, I can't count the number of times I would zone out and get nothing done for a month, then pull a week of intense effort to perform a "miracle". It's highly stressful and very hard on your self-esteem when you are constantly worried that someone will notice you're not doing what you're supposed to and you pretty much blame yourself.

Let him take some time without having to formally study something. If he can hold down any job for a while, let him do that. It will be good for him. 

What does he like to do? Most of us inattentives can hyperfocus on things when either highly interested or highly motivated. If he loves something in particular, let him dive into it on his own for a while. There may be opportunities to get paid for doing it down the road. He may be able to come back to school in some form later, but I think it's time to take the stress off for a bit.
Sounds like me.
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#12
(08-09-2018, 10:30 AM)burbuja0512 Wrote: Hi all,


Those of you who've seen me post over the years might have seen me ask question after question for my oldest son, who is now almost 23 and has been studying for CLEPS, taking SL, community college courses, online classes, and even taking ALEKS and FEMA courses since he was about 17.     It's been a LONG time and a ridiculous amount of work.   

However, it hasn't been easy.  He was diagnosed with ADHD, type I inattentive, and has tried all sorts of medication - none of it make him a good student, and all of it with side effects he can't tolerate.   He's even had his IQ tested as part of his lengthy neuropsych testing and it's "at least" 130, but with his ADHD it's hard to be completely accurate on the test... but the point is he DOES have the brains to do what he wants.

Anyhow, he has finally reached a breaking point.    After all these years and he's only managed to collect just over 30 credits, his 18-year-old younger sister who is in B&M college has surpassed his credit number and it's just too much to bear.    And he has tried literally everything.   I've even sat down next to him when he takes classes or studies for CLEP and this just isn't working. 

So, my overall advice to him is as he is quitting his studies is, look, a degree isn't for everyone.   I'm ok with that.  But you can't just go out into the world with no real skills.    You need skills.   Look into a trade or something like that.    However, I was looking into trades, and so many of them require at least a community college degree, which at this point in his life, I'm 100% certain he isn't able to do.

I don't really know many people with trade-type jobs.   Does anyone here have any ideas?   He's an amazing worker and has a job right now where he puts in 110%.  He also volunteers weekly, so work ethic isn't a problem.  Learning on the job is a strength for him, so an apprenticeship would probably be great.    


Thank you so much for any thoughts or advice.   I'm so stressed about this and I want to help him.  He's worked so hard and it's heartbreaking not to have any good suggestions.

Separately and apart from this, my good friend Cindy LaJoy has a website/blog called Blue Collar Homeschool - also a FB group by the same name, bookmark her site, you'll be really encouraged.

My advice is for him to get into an apprenticeship. If he likes his work now, I'd start there. There are formal apprenticeships for almost everything you can imagine. The US Department of Labor is the authoritative body on apprenticeships, so looking for a USDOL-connection is a good place to look, but not all apprenticeships require formal training. As an example, plumbing -HVAC - culinary, can all be learned on the job or through a formal apprenticeship. Pros and cons to both.

Also, pull up your community college's adult ed catalog. It's full of non-credit work training programs. In mine, as an example, you can become study the real estate course to become an agent or complete a certificate course on masonry, phlebotomy, home inspection, etc. My point is that there are ZILLIONS of ways to pick up a skill without graded credit. Afterall, only 40% of people you see walking around have a degree, and the other 60% are working *somewhere.*

P.S. I see he's teaching English online- why not let him work at this job for a year? Tell him to bump up his availability to full time (or close to it) and spend some time just working. If it's not a job that can become full time, I'd fill in the down time with something more physical where he moves. Young men, physiologically and psychologically, will benefit from a job that allows them to express testosterone on a consistent basis. While I don't know if it is true for men, for women- physical activity releases endorphins that improve clinical depression. Seems logical that the converse is true. My 23 year old son works in a warehouse, he tells people he gets paid to work out lol. Something like that might be a nice addition to his daily.
Jennifer
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#13
(08-10-2018, 09:00 AM)cookderosa Wrote:
(08-09-2018, 10:30 AM)burbuja0512 Wrote: Hi all,


Those of you who've seen me post over the years might have seen me ask question after question for my oldest son, who is now almost 23 and has been studying for CLEPS, taking SL, community college courses, online classes, and even taking ALEKS and FEMA courses since he was about 17.     It's been a LONG time and a ridiculous amount of work.   

However, it hasn't been easy.  He was diagnosed with ADHD, type I inattentive, and has tried all sorts of medication - none of it make him a good student, and all of it with side effects he can't tolerate.   He's even had his IQ tested as part of his lengthy neuropsych testing and it's "at least" 130, but with his ADHD it's hard to be completely accurate on the test... but the point is he DOES have the brains to do what he wants.

Anyhow, he has finally reached a breaking point.    After all these years and he's only managed to collect just over 30 credits, his 18-year-old younger sister who is in B&M college has surpassed his credit number and it's just too much to bear.    And he has tried literally everything.   I've even sat down next to him when he takes classes or studies for CLEP and this just isn't working. 

So, my overall advice to him is as he is quitting his studies is, look, a degree isn't for everyone.   I'm ok with that.  But you can't just go out into the world with no real skills.    You need skills.   Look into a trade or something like that.    However, I was looking into trades, and so many of them require at least a community college degree, which at this point in his life, I'm 100% certain he isn't able to do.

I don't really know many people with trade-type jobs.   Does anyone here have any ideas?   He's an amazing worker and has a job right now where he puts in 110%.  He also volunteers weekly, so work ethic isn't a problem.  Learning on the job is a strength for him, so an apprenticeship would probably be great.    


Thank you so much for any thoughts or advice.   I'm so stressed about this and I want to help him.  He's worked so hard and it's heartbreaking not to have any good suggestions.

Separately and apart from this, my good friend Cindy LaJoy has a website/blog called Blue Collar Homeschool - also a FB group by the same name, bookmark her site, you'll be really encouraged.

My advice is for him to get into an apprenticeship.  If he likes his work now, I'd start there.  There are formal apprenticeships for almost everything you can imagine.  The US Department of Labor is the authoritative body on apprenticeships, so looking for a USDOL-connection is a good place to look, but not all apprenticeships require formal training.  As an example, plumbing -HVAC - culinary, can all be learned on the job or through a formal apprenticeship. Pros and cons to both.

Also, pull up your community college's adult ed catalog. It's full of non-credit work training programs.  In mine, as an example, you can become study the real estate course to become an agent or complete a certificate course on masonry, phlebotomy, home inspection, etc.  My point is that there are ZILLIONS of ways to pick up a skill without graded credit.  Afterall, only 40% of people you see walking around have a degree, and the other 60% are working *somewhere.*

P.S.  I see he's teaching English online- why not let him work at this job for a year?  Tell him to bump up his availability to full time (or close to it) and spend some time just working.  If it's not a job that can become full time, I'd fill in the down time with something more physical where he moves.  Young men, physiologically and psychologically, will benefit from a job that allows them to express testosterone on a consistent basis.  While I don't know if it is true for men, for women- physical activity releases endorphins that improve clinical depression.  Seems logical that the converse is true.  My 23 year old son works in a warehouse, he tells people he gets paid to work out lol. Something like that might be a nice addition to his daily.

Thank you so much Jen!!!   As usual, you are a wealth of information.   I will check out that site on FB and also look into some of the other suggestions.    The ESL career center that he volunteers at is actually run by our state's department of labor and I think that the center even shares an office with people who might be able to help him find apprenticeships.   Definitely a good idea.

I also like the idea of him doing something physical.   He just needs to get out of the house more.   You probably know how much we've moved in the past few years..  Denver, Chicago, now S. Dakota.. it's a lot and his friendships have suffered.  Not to mention that he's not on the same wavelength as a lot of his old friends who have already graduated college, some have moved in with their significant other... and here he is still perfectly content to live at home.   It's tough.   Doing something physical outside the house would help.   

I think finding additional stuff to do during the day would help a lot - he can't make his teaching job full time since it's based on China's schedule.  So, he works early mornings and late nights.    But there is definitely time for more.   

We'll get there... I know we will.  I just wish it weren't such a tough journey for him.
Regis University, ITESO, Global MBA with a focus in Emerging Markets 4.0 GPA, Dual-university degree (Spanish/English) 
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#14
(08-10-2018, 11:12 AM)burbuja0512 Wrote: ...
I think finding additional stuff to do during the day would help a lot - he can't make his teaching job full time since it's based on China's schedule.  So, he works early mornings and late nights.    But there is definitely time for more.   

We'll get there... I know we will.  I just wish it weren't such a tough journey for him.

If he's not trying to hold down school in the daytime, he actually could work through China's full work day. However, I agree that holding down a day job, especially if he gets to work with his peers would probably be a better approach.

I'm so sorry the meds aren't working for him. Have you tried any of the skills-based approaches to ADHD? I wish I knew more about them, but the meds work for me pretty well. Also, encourage him to get involved with an ADHD support group or online community. It might give him a chance to understand his own condition and how to deal with it better. At least he will know that he's not alone.
TESU BA in Comp Sci completed. 51 units completed in 20 months.
TECEP:Env Ethics (2015); TESU PLA:Software Eng, Computer Arch, C++, Advanced C++, Data Struct (2015); TESU Courses:Capstone, Database Mngmnt Sys, Op Sys, Artificial Intel, Discrete Math, Intro to Portfolio Dev, Intro PLA (2014-16); DSST:Intro to Anthro, Pers Fin, Intro Astronomy (2014); CLEP:Intro to Soc (2014); Saylor.org:Intro to Computers (2014); CC: 69 units (1980-88)

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#15
I love the idea of physical work. So many people spend so much time on the computer (myself included), they don't get the physical activity they need. I can't imagine what my kids would do without sports - they are both VERY physically active, and I think it helps both of them tremendously. I'm guessing your son really could use the outlet - he loves the work, but probably just really needs physicality to give his brain a break. Doing physical work can also help the brain focus - you have to pay attention to what you're doing. My son likes to say "if I goof off in Water Polo and Swimming, I'll drown!" He knows that he's much more focused on what he's doing because he HAS to be.
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