People treating you differently since you've graduated?

[collegechick]

I've been surprised by some people in my life who weren't happy for me to complete my BA and pursuing an additional advanced degree.  One friend ignored my response after he asked what I'd been up to several times during Covid, and another one was sarcastic.  Don't get me wrong, I've had incredible support from most, but surprised to see the insecurities of others manifest since my completion.  I wasn't expecting this.      

Did any of you experience this as well?

Yes, but my situation was quite far from the norm.

I was a part of a fundamentalist Christian sect for much of my adult life. The sect doesn't outright ban, but highly frowns upon pursuing higher education as something frivolous, even dangerous. I had to be very careful with whom I shared my successes because I knew I could be either the object of scorn, or I could make others feel bad who had sacrificed their own education for the sake of their worship. Even still, I was at times surprised just how vehemently others were opposed to my decision.

This thread, and your experience really hits home to me. Just this past weekend, I was thinking about how much joy I missed out on because I didn't allow myself room to celebrate. Not even with others, but just by myself. I finally had accomplished something that I always wanted and always thought couldn't happen due to financial and health reasons. Yet, it happened, and all I did was receive my diploma in the mail and shove it in an accordion file along with my other important papers. I did briefly hang it up at one point, but I didn't want it to be a conversation piece for church members who came over my place and saw it.

I've decided to mount my BA diploma on the wall facing me in my home office. That way, when I'm in a reflexive mood, I can look up and think fondly of what I've done. Also, since leaving the church, I decided to look for friends who will be happy for me, not envious or contemptuous of me, when good things happen.

First of all congratulations on completing your BA!  Sounds like we both graduated around the same time?  June 11, 2021?  Cheers to us both!

Wow, I can relate to nearly everything you posted.  I was raised a Jehovah's Witness and they discouraged any further education.  I had the short-term mentality that armageddon was right around the corner *rolls eyes*.  So happy I freed myself from that cult!  I also experienced health issues that forced me to relocate and was finally able to move past them to complete my degree.  Cheers to both of us overcoming those obstacles!  

I like the idea of mounting the degree on the wall.  I've decided to keep the diploma jacket/folder out on my dresser as a temporary reminder of my completion.  Still can't believe I finally finished!  Congrats again!

I finished the BA in 2014. I really took me this long to start on a Master's 

I've since learned how surprisingly similar tight-knit religious communities tend to be in structure and norms. I'm an irreligious agnostic, and it seems that every day some new realization hits me as far as how much my thinking has been molded by the group and its sanctions. I find myself having to rethink mundane things that I thought I already knew about myself.  I've had an alarmingly high amount of "OMG, it was ME who was being an ***hole the while time..." moments of clarity. Also, the reverse, TBH. Ive learned that I wasn't always wrong about some of the things I thought I was wrong about.

Neither one of us should have had to defend our attempts to better ourselves and make an investment in our own future. Especially from other people who have no intention of being there to catch us when we fall if we DIDN'T invest in our future.

It takes time to come out of that mindset.  I had a lot of living and catching up to do before being able to focus on college when I did.  Agree with you to just let the lack of support and snark drop from people who don't directly benefit our lives.  What master's program are you studying?  Where?     

It's human nature to want to mirror your family and social circle.

If these people aren't paying your bills, buying you cars, houses, well I think it would be up to you to better yourself to be competitive in the job market.

Excellent points!  Thanks for the comment.

I grew up in an environment where the assumption was that you would get out of high school, go to college and at least get a Bachelors degree.  It was a little like the martial arts where you earn a black belt and the reaction is "OK, good.  Now you're ready to start your real training."  Lots of comments like, "Congratulations!  What are you going to do about grad school?"

Never considered that perspective and is an equally stressful situation.  Did you delay their expectations to just rebel?  I've had two previous bosses as me when I was going to "finish" my education.  Uh, when I'm dead?

[Alpha]

I earned an Engineering degree and immediately didn't like the work.  I went back to school and earned a Psychology degree and eventually became a Psychotherapist.  When I was younger I referred to that Engineering degree as "a waste of time and money" but now I refer to it as a "learning experience."  It gave me a lot of confidence in my ability to study and learn in an academic environment so that when I hit that Psych program I just cruised through it with no problems.  Grad school was a massive amount of reading combined with a never-ending series of 10-20 page essays.  I learned a lot and it became the foundation of my career.

[jamshid666]

Almost all of my friends are very supportive of my continuing educational successes. Some of my family members, however, have been quite critical of it, usually with some kind of remark about "rising above my station."

[jch]

Thanks everyone for sharing your perspective and individual family situation. Personally, I will soon be the only person in my immediate family without a master's degree. Most of the extended family has at least a bachelor's degree. I need to hurry up and finish to keep up with everyone.

[jamshid666]

Universal Life Church- PhD Philosophy in Religion (I'm an atheist & this was a funny vanity degree)

I was a PSYOP Specialist when I was in the Army.  Because the PSYOP community is rather small and almost exclusively located at Fort Bragg, we got to know each other quite well, and frequently referred to each other on a first-name basis.  We ended up getting a new First Sergeant that was an extreme stickler for rules and regulations, so he came down on us for using first names as Army regulations specify that you address each other by rank and last name.  Well, we discovered a loop-hole in the regulations dealing with clergy members, where first-name usage was acceptable.  Suffice to say, almost my entire detachment got ordained with the ULC just so we could call each other Brother Steven, Brother Craig, etc.  It irritated the First Sergeant to no end, but it was within regulations!

[ctcarl]

Did any of you experience this as well?

Not at all.  It's a good thing, too, because if I had, I have no idea how I would have handled it.  Before this thread, it just never occurred to me that anyone would ever feel any differently than "hey, good for you for bettering yourself".

---

Well, we discovered a loop-hole in the regulations dealing with clergy members, where first-name usage was acceptable.  Suffice to say, almost my entire detachment got ordained with the ULC just so we could call each other Brother Steven, Brother Craig, etc.  It irritated the First Sergeant to no end, but it was within regulations!

I'd like to party with you someday, Brother John!

[collegechick]

Universal Life Church- PhD Philosophy in Religion (I'm an atheist & this was a funny vanity degree)

I was a PSYOP Specialist when I was in the Army.  Because the PSYOP community is rather small and almost exclusively located at Fort Bragg, we got to know each other quite well, and frequently referred to each other on a first-name basis.  We ended up getting a new First Sergeant that was an extreme stickler for rules and regulations, so he came down on us for using first names as Army regulations specify that you address each other by rank and last name.  Well, we discovered a loop-hole in the regulations dealing with clergy members, where first-name usage was acceptable.  Suffice to say, almost my entire detachment got ordained with the ULC just so we could call each other Brother Steven, Brother Craig, etc.  It irritated the First Sergeant to no end, but it was within regulations!

This is hilarious and ingenious!  Thank you for sharing.  I'm also ordained. The PhD was only twenty questions and volia - Dr. and Minister.  I've used the parking placard and parked in the minister's spot at the hospital when visiting a friend.  It was an official ministerial charity visit after all.  Still cracks me up.  Nice to meet a fellow brother in the ministry! 

[Flelm]

I think it's different for me. I'm pretty much the only person in my immediate family circle who didn't have a degree. Both of my parents, my wife, and my SIL have Master's, my MIL has a D.Ed., my brother has a Bachelor's in Engineering and is a PE, my aunts and uncles and cousins, etc. all have their degrees. So I've received nothing but support and praise for finally finishing.

I think they're more excited about it then I am, to be honest. For me, it was just a piece of paper that was holding me back in the job-seeking world, for them, it's a 20-year journey that's finally complete.

[CatsDomino]

I think it's different for me. I'm pretty much the only person in my immediate family circle who didn't have a degree. Both of my parents, my wife, and my SIL have Master's, my MIL has a D.Ed., my brother has a Bachelor's in Engineering and is a PE, my aunts and uncles and cousins, etc. all have their degrees. So I've received nothing but support and praise for finally finishing.

I think they're more excited about it then I am, to be honest. For me, it was just a piece of paper that was holding me back in the job-seeking world, for them, it's a 20-year journey that's finally complete.

That kind of support must be wonderful!  My experience has, unfortunately, been the opposite.  Outside my spouse, children, and a couple of relatives, the rest of my large family sees education beyond high school as a complete waste of time.  I have completed both my ADN and my BSN, and many times received derogatory or hostile comments about "getting above my upbringing" or being "too big for my britches."  My relatives are quite rural and enjoy putting down "educated idiots" while feeling superior in their small pond.  After the year I've had working in a pandemic, I've changed my mind about my MSN and have recently started taking classes for a MHA instead.  I'm already a DON, but decided that I want to go into administration full time.  A cousin I'm close to recently found out I'm getting my masters, and couldn't help but get a few digs in about what a colossal waste of time it was.  Of course, I got to remind her that I'm already laughing all the way to the bank while she works her second shift job at the local BK. 

[jamshid666]

I think it's different for me. I'm pretty much the only person in my immediate family circle who didn't have a degree. Both of my parents, my wife, and my SIL have Master's, my MIL has a D.Ed., my brother has a Bachelor's in Engineering and is a PE, my aunts and uncles and cousins, etc. all have their degrees. So I've received nothing but support and praise for finally finishing.

I think they're more excited about it then I am, to be honest. For me, it was just a piece of paper that was holding me back in the job-seeking world, for them, it's a 20-year journey that's finally complete.

That kind of support must be wonderful!  My experience has, unfortunately, been the opposite.  Outside my spouse, children, and a couple of relatives, the rest of my large family sees education beyond high school as a complete waste of time.  I have completed both my ADN and my BSN, and many times received derogatory or hostile comments about "getting above my upbringing" or being "too big for my britches."  My relatives are quite rural and enjoy putting down "educated idiots" while feeling superior in their small pond.  After the year I've had working in a pandemic, I've changed my mind about my MSN and have recently started taking classes for a MHA instead.  I'm already a DON, but decided that I want to go into administration full time.  A cousin I'm close to recently found out I'm getting my masters, and couldn't help but get a few digs in about what a colossal waste of time it was.  Of course, I got to remind her that I'm already laughing all the way to the bank while she works her second shift job at the local BK. 

Sounds like a lot of my family.  Putting down my education while bragging about being on different welfare programs.