mrs.b Wrote:My step-mom is a wise woman. She once told me (coincidentally after a breakup with someone that sounds remarkably similar to your now-Ex) that the first two months of a relationship are telling. If you spot flaws in a new boy/girlfriend that you think about for longer than a few minutes while with them, or at all after you're not around them, that the relationship is not meant to be. Her reasoning is that the early stages of a relationship are the "honeymoon" stages where everyone is moon-eyed and flaws are harder to see. Also, some people tend to be on their best "dating" behavior early on and keep the big stuff hidden. If problems are visible that early, she always said to get out while friendship is still possible, or at least no feelings despite the flaws develop so it's cleaner.

Edited to add: The reverse side of that is it teaches the practitioner of the advice how to dismiss the small stuff. i.e., "I really like this guy, BUT...[insert tiny issue here]." If one really, truly likes the person, the tiny issue will be easy to push out of mind. If not, if the issue lingers and becomes a focus, the relationship is not going to work; either the problem is too big, or the practitioner needs to work harder on letting the small stuff go before being ready for a relationship. The same practice proceeds into longer-term relationships; push the small stuff out of mind, but if the issue lingers in our focus, it is time for a conversation so as not to hold onto the little problems until they become so focus-engrossing that a small problem becomes a deal-breaker.

She also said sticking around just to see, or sticking around and complaining about someone makes us a glutton for punishment or a martyr/victim type, of which neither personality trait will be appealing to someone actually worthwhile that might come along later.

Glad to see you trimmed someone out that was clearly not for you. I'm not sure how long you two dated, but seems like the differences were not workable. I hope you have better luck in the dating pool moving forward!

sanantone Wrote:I started dating this guy... thing a man could do.

Kaz Wrote:You just blew my mind. All these years on this forum I thought you were a guy :willynilly: Wow. Just wow. How did I not know!? :confused: This is going to mess me up all day...

sanantone Wrote:Well, I am quite aggressive in my speech, but most of my posts are gender neutral. Criminal justice is a male-dominated field (not so much anymore in academia), so I could see how people could come to the assumption that I'm male.

sanantone Wrote:... I was talking about being able to defend a girlfriend or wife if she's attacked. He told me that he wouldn't defend his woman because he's not risking getting his butt kicked, but he'd be the first one to dial 911 and ask the attacker if he could please stop. WHAT? So, if some guy is robbing me, raping me, or physically assaulting me, I can expect him to just stand there....

bluebooger Wrote:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URvMd-pjSMc

what kind of a topsy turvy world do we live in where heroes are cast as villains, brave men as cowards ?
you should be commending him for treating everyone like equals

SteveFoerster Wrote:Got you covered, then:



Welcome to the club!