Age difference in dating

[taylor]

One of my friends in his 40's like me is dating a 26 year old. The age gap seems a bit much imo. Also my friend looks his age not someone like myself who could pull off that he's in his 30's lol. He looks like her uncle and when they show PDA it's like my 9 year old would say "GROSSY GROSS". My friends and I are stunned and of course a bit jealous that a chump like him can date a young hot girl. They have nothing in common she's young and hot and he's old and not. Yeah I know with friends like me he doesn't need enemies but he'll thank me later. Recently he's been jet setting across the US and internationally too on these extravagant excursions with her and he's not rich. And to top it off now he's talking about marriage. I feel like slapping him in the face like Cher did to Nicholas Cage in Moonstruck and tell him to "Snap out of it!".

[sanantone]

She could just like older men, but he doesn't have to be rich to be taken advantage of. I'm in my late 20s and won't date a man past his mid-30s. All I can think about is wrinkles, age spots, and erectile dysfunction. Even if he looks good for his age in his 40s, he will eventually start looking old less than 10 years later.

[Johann]

I once heard of a gender-neutral rule: the lower age limit for dating is - half one's age plus seven years. I think it might have been from Ann Landers or Dear Abby. I'm 71 now, so let's knock off the talk about wrinkles, age spots etc. etc. And baldness --well, we won't go there, will we?

My second round of dating was in my late 30s & 40s. I made two rules for myself - my date should be at least 30 and not smoke. I broke both rules a couple of times - always with disastrous results. Most fun and exceptional dating partner? The oldest - a lady who was about 50. I was around 38 at the time.

Johann

[UptonSinclair]

Are you his friend or his mother? Your attitude toward this situation is likely to lose you a friend. It is nobody's business who we choose to date, marry, etc.

[soliloquy]

One of my friends in his 40's like me is dating a 26 year old. The age gap seems a bit much imo. Also my friend looks his age not someone like myself who could pull off that he's in his 30's lol. He looks like her uncle and when they show PDA it's like my 9 year old would say "GROSSY GROSS". My friends and I are stunned and of course a bit jealous that a chump like him can date a young hot girl. They have nothing in common she's young and hot and he's old and not. Yeah I know with friends like me he doesn't need enemies but he'll thank me later. Recently he's been jet setting across the US and internationally too on these extravagant excursions with her and he's not rich. And to top it off now he's talking about marriage. I feel like slapping him in the face like Cher did to Nicholas Cage in Moonstruck and tell him to "Snap out of it!".

Early 40's or late 40's?

Really there's nothing you can do about it because the more you rail against the relationship, the more alluring she'll seem. But I get where you are coming from. My brother met a 25 year old about 19 years ago and that's how long they were together. My brother was 35 at that time. Well, now he's 54 and she decided she wants to try something different and she's now ended up with someone her own age. I'm not saying that this is indicative of what happens in every situation. If he's going broke trying to whoo her that's a bad sign, especially if he's doing it because he's trying to overcompensate for the age difference. People shouldn't play the role of sugar daddy if they don't have the income to do so. It sets a bad precedent for the relationship no matter how old the woman is.

I will say working in family law, I see this happen a lot. Young woman who doesn't really know what she wants yet hooks up with older more settled man with the means to take care of her....and usually what comes across my desk looks a lot like a bad lifetime movie.

[cookderosa]

One of my friends in his 40's like me is dating a 26 year old. The age gap seems a bit much imo. Also my friend looks his age not someone like myself who could pull off that he's in his 30's lol. He looks like her uncle and when they show PDA it's like my 9 year old would say "GROSSY GROSS". My friends and I are stunned and of course a bit jealous that a chump like him can date a young hot girl. They have nothing in common she's young and hot and he's old and not. Yeah I know with friends like me he doesn't need enemies but he'll thank me later. Recently he's been jet setting across the US and internationally too on these extravagant excursions with her and he's not rich. And to top it off now he's talking about marriage. I feel like slapping him in the face like Cher did to Nicholas Cage in Moonstruck and tell him to "Snap out of it!".

sometimes girls like to hook into with a ready-made life; an older man can make all your decisions for you and provide for you. Ta-da. Soooo much easier than figuring it all out for yourself. At her age, she's probably freaking out that she doesn't have a plan and (she thinks that) your friend fixes alllll those problems for her. If your friend has a care-taker personality, he's probably found a match. Of course, at some point, she'll grow up and get a mind of her own, at which time your friend will probably get tossed. This opinion is worth exactly what you're paying for it lol.

[mrs.b]

Other than my husband, the only relationship that I look back fondly on was with someone twice my age. I was in my early 20s and he was in his mid-40s. I definitely won't claim that I was mature beyond my years, and I don't think he was all that youthful. We just clicked, personality-wise. We dated for a little over a year, all our friends either had no opinion or kept their mouths shut (which is why we still had those same friends when we did separate), and it was all around a pretty good time. There wasn't a "be my substitute daddy" vibe - gross! - it was a positive relationship and I learned how to be an actual partner with someone. When we did separate, it was a friendly, mutual agreement that we were just at different stages in our lives and had very different needs, but we stayed friends and stayed in touch for a few years. (I moved away, met an entirely new group of people, eventually met my husband, and passage of time and that difference in stages of life eventually just took its toll.) Every other relationship and more appropriately, subsequent breakup was immature and ended in near-hatred of the ex.

I said that to say...let them have their relationship. It could be something great, or it could be something he later regrets. Bottom line is you're not in it - unless it's a progressive relationship, the two of them are the only ones that should have any input - so what should it matter one bit to you? If he's enjoying himself, that's great for him. It'll either be a keeper relationship or he'll eventually see it for what it was and move on. Unless you've got the secret hots for him and want to be in her shoes, just be his friend and keep your nose out of his love life.

[Jonathan Whatley]

He looks like her uncle and when they show PDA it's like my 9 year old would say "GROSSY GROSS".

This says something about how you feel. Of course, you aren't a partner in this relationship. It doesn't say anything about either partner in this relationship, or how they feel.

My friends and I are stunned and of course a bit jealous that a chump like him can date a young hot girl.

Again, this doesn't say anything about either of them, about how they feel and relate.

They have nothing in common

Are you sure? In a moment you'll tell us they've been travelling across the U.S. and internationally. So they enjoy and prioritize travel. To the same destinations. Probably often sharing activities. It sounds like they enjoy spending time together as a couple across contexts.

Perhaps you've gotten the idea that they have nothing in common…

she's young and hot and he's old and not.

from judging by appearances.

Do you have any evidence that their values or priorities are significantly different or incompatible?

[soliloquy]

sometimes girls like to hook into with a ready-made life; an older man can make all your decisions for you and provide for you. Ta-da. Soooo much easier than figuring it all out for yourself. At her age, she's probably freaking out that she doesn't have a plan and (she thinks that) your friend fixes alllll those problems for her. If your friend has a care-taker personality, he's probably found a match. Of course, at some point, she'll grow up and get a mind of her own, at which time your friend will probably get tossed. This opinion is worth exactly what you're paying for it lol.

I can understand OP's concern. If it's just a relationship...you know...you let it play out but they are talking marriage and frankly, I would try to talk some sense into my friend if I thought she/he were making a terrible mistake. Now what they do after I have that talk with them is totally their decision but I wouldn't consider myself a very good friend if I didn't bring my concerns to their attention. I think the "speak now" should apply before the couple is at the alter.

[taylor]

Some of these comments are very interesting even if I don't agree with some of them. I do hope I'm wrong and this is not one of those cases of NO MONEY NO HONEY, NO CASHY NO SPLASHY.

On a side note one of my married friends went hiking with him last week. And when my married friend dropped my other friend off at his place the single friend was greeted with a warm hug and some smooches from his young hot girlfriend. While the married guy was greeted with a sponge to wash the dishes and hear his wife nag him about leaving the toilet seat up lol.

Personally I like to date girls in their low to mid 30's who are somewhat independent. I feel like I'm stuck in a time warp that even though I'm getting older I feel most comfortable and attracted to girls in that age range.

After all this would it be tactless to ask my friend's gf if she has a sister?