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What Would You Do : Verbally abusive staff member
#1
Question 
At my CC there is a staff member whom is flat out rude and verbally abuses student regularly but it seems as if the staff and higher board seems to turn a blind eye and make excuses for him. He's an retired veteran who pretty much sits at a desk watching TV on the laptop. But however , he'll walk around the school very loudly or if you walk into the office he'll hurl insults at you. There's been plenty of times to where he tells me , " I'm uppity" , "I'm not cut out to be a nurse." , "I hope you leave the college" , "Dumb" , "Liar" and so on.  I don't study where I usually do because he will circle me making the most hostile stares which make it distracting even if you do ignore him and I know it's stupid  on my part I couldn't deal with his behavior so I took a semester off from school. But since I overcame those insults he "recruited" female and male students to mess with me , ( I ended of joining a club , got to know them and then they told me that he pretty much wants to humiliate and break me but is scared of the consequences that come along with it  Confused ) So after befriending them that infuriated him so now he is just giving me passive aggressive treatment. Pretty much it's silent treatment , backhanded remarks and tearing up med-term notes. I've gotten tired of it so my mother and I actually went to the state board of education (like the system of technical college) which happened like months ago but still haven't really heard anything. I've also reported it again. I've also picked up a pattern to where every time I report him he comes around to make is presence known either through looking , being loud or walking around the offices where the human resource people work.

 It's getting to the point where it's frustrating because it seems like you're met with "Oh that's just his personality", "He's harmless" and "Oh , he's just in a bad mood". Regardless of this I feel stupid like I should ignore him more but at the same time you're a 55 year old man and i'm almost pushing 20 come Monday. And please excuse my language , I feel ... well know  he's an strategic ass kisser as well. He prides himself on knowing that he cannot get caught , as he thinks it's a game. I don't want to be the problematic student in the equation but I feel like I am. I don't know if I should just ignore him or report it.

 * I know there are many kids who go through it with him , some dropped out but I don't know their names
 * I got advice from another retired veteran who is a janitor who has told me when it comes to passive aggressive people ignoring them drives them crazy Confused Sleepy , which I think why he's acting very erratic now.
 * I go in to meet the VP soon but someone has told me to go to the dean instead.
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#2
what relationship does he have with you at the college? Is he your advisor or teacher or in some capacity over you? If yes, then see if you can get that changed. It's clearly very upsetting to you and it will probably interfere with your success if you have to interact with him many times in the future.
If he's just a worker, my advice is to ignore it. The responses you're getting from the other staff and dept of ed makes me think you might be overreacting a little - and now that he's under your skin, it's probably very easy to do. I get it though, it's probably horrible, but try to ignore it.
You're going into a profession that will have a lot of very harsh words being thrown around - critical and sometimes embarrassing. I would look at how you can better adjust to the world instead of trying to get the world to adjust to you (which is pretty much not happening). I know that's hard to hear, but this will happen to you again in future jobs.
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#3
You've told us many stories about several different people being abusive toward you. I don't know if you're an easy target because you have a special need, if these are delusions, or if you're being overly sensitive. Regardless, you need to talk to a mental health professional to learn how to cope with every day life. If you don't learn how to cope now, nursing is going to be an impossible career.
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#4
(06-22-2019, 02:45 PM)sanantone Wrote: You've told us many stories about several different people being abusive toward you. I don't know if you're an easy target because you have a special need, if these are delusions, or if you're being overly sensitive. Regardless, you need to talk to a mental health professional to learn how to cope with every day life. If you don't learn how to cope now, nursing is going to be an impossible career.

  I will learn how to cope , I had a bad day when I wrote this. I don't have special needs just quiet. I really want to be a nurse so I'll get over it.
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#5
(06-22-2019, 02:38 PM)cookderosa Wrote: what relationship does he have with you at the college?  Is he your advisor or teacher or in some capacity over you? If yes, then see if you can get that changed. It's clearly very upsetting to you and it will probably interfere with your success if you have to interact with him many times in the future.  
If he's just a worker, my advice is to ignore it.  The responses you're getting from the other staff and dept of ed makes me think you might be overreacting a little - and now that he's under your skin, it's probably very easy to do.  I get it though, it's probably horrible, but try to ignore it.
You're going into a profession that will have a lot of very harsh words being thrown around - critical and sometimes embarrassing.  I would look at how you can better adjust to the world instead of trying to get the world to adjust to you (which is pretty much not happening).  I know that's hard to hear, but this will happen to you again in future jobs.

 He's an advisor
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#6
(06-22-2019, 02:54 PM)2L8 Wrote: I will learn how to cope , I had a bad day when I wrote this. I don't have special needs just quiet. I really want to be a nurse so I'll get over it.

All the more reason to talk to somebody. A mental health professional can really help you learn to handle difficult situations and people.
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#7
(06-22-2019, 06:14 PM)2L8 Wrote:
(06-22-2019, 02:38 PM)cookderosa Wrote: what relationship does he have with you at the college?  Is he your advisor or teacher or in some capacity over you? If yes, then see if you can get that changed. It's clearly very upsetting to you and it will probably interfere with your success if you have to interact with him many times in the future.  
If he's just a worker, my advice is to ignore it.  The responses you're getting from the other staff and dept of ed makes me think you might be overreacting a little - and now that he's under your skin, it's probably very easy to do.  I get it though, it's probably horrible, but try to ignore it.
You're going into a profession that will have a lot of very harsh words being thrown around - critical and sometimes embarrassing.  I would look at how you can better adjust to the world instead of trying to get the world to adjust to you (which is pretty much not happening).  I know that's hard to hear, but this will happen to you again in future jobs.

 He's an advisor


If he's "an" advisor, I would ignore him. If he's "your" advisor I would switch. Since students are probably assigned using a set system by the college, you may have to press the issue, but getting a new advisor that can help you pursue nursing would be a good idea. Advisors are there to build a strategy, more like a planner and less like a counselor. The good news is that you shouldn't have to see this person more than once a semester.... and maybe not even that often.
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