How Fights Start

[ShotoJuku]

[SIZE="5"]How Fights Start[/SIZE]




[COLOR="Navy"]My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's
on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...
******************************************

My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I
turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started...
******************************************

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into
the garage. I hooked
the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind
was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered
that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to
my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there
is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in
that?"

And that's how the fight started...
******************************************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our forthcoming anniversary. She said, 'I
want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her bathroom scales.

And then the fight started...
******************************************

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her somewhere
expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started...
******************************************

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The
woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in
my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very
sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver
hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed
my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security
office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...
******************************************

My wife and
I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady
swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after
we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...
******************************************

A woman was standing in the nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with
what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I
really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started...[/COLOR]

[BurnieGirl]

I love it!


hilarious

[nj593]

:roflol: I almost pissed my pants. This was funny, thanks

[Tasman]

Fantastic...made my day:roflol: :roflol:

[babyjames]

Those jokes are really cute and harmless, especially considering how ugly a lot of adult humor is these days. Someone must be doing stand-up, to have a long string of 'em like that! Thanks for sharing!

[RKO4723]

Those were great, thanks!

[NC Coach]

Very funny stuff! Thanks for sharing. :roflol: