Sad story

[STG]

Tonight will be the end of my inner peace...:ack:

For the past 2 months my older sister was in France and tomorrow morning she'll be back. I went with the rest of my family to France a few weeks ago for 2 weeks and it was really nice...besides having to see my sister. For the past 2 years, she hasn't spoken to me besides calling me a piece of garbage, telling me she wishes I wasn't born etc. You're all probably wondering why.

It's a looong story so I'll try to make it short... My mom is an Orthodox Jew and married my dad who's Christian, when she wasn't that into her religion. When I was 12 (6 years ago), my father passed away in his sleep. Ever since then, my mom became stronger in her religion and decided to raise the family as Orthodox Jews (I have 1 older sister and 2 younger ones- no brothers). My older sister (who was 16 then) agreed to my moms decision and my 2 younger sisters were too little to think for themselves (ages 2 and 6) so my mom made the choice for them. I didn't want to change who I am. 2 years ago, I found my boyfriend and this is what got my sister mad.

According to her theory, she says Orthodox Jews shouldn't be having a bf at the age of 16. Since then she doesn't talk to me. This past month when I went to my uncle's house in France (which is where my older sister stayed) he kept telling me to make up with her and I kept telling him it's not my fault and that she's the one who doesn't want to talk to me- not the other way around. The day before my flight back to NY, I was by my uncle's house again and I needed someone to walk me back to my grandfather's house because it was late.

So my uncle told me that my sister told him that she wants to walk me back. I told him I don't believe him because a few hours before that my sister was calling me names. So he called her name and asked if she wants to walk me back and she said yes and then went back into her room. I had a dilemma: on 1 hand she's my sister and I want to have a good relationship with her, but on the other hand she just called me such mean things a few hours before that so why should I believe that she wants to make up with me?

If she wouldn't call me names for those 2 weeks that I was there, then I would have agreed to let her walk me back but she didn't stop. I told my uncle that I don't want her to walk me back so he drove me. In the car he told me he was upset for not wanting my sister to walk me back so I told him that she was calling me names so it doesn't make sense that she really means she's sorry...he told me I should have let her walk me back anyways. Since then I didn't see or talk to her so I don't know if she'll still call me names tomorrow...

So I guess this story didn't turn out to be so short but here's my questions:

1) should I have let her walk me back?

2) I already said no to her so what can I do now?

[STG]

Doesn't anyone have anything to answer this?? banghead

[poptart26]

This is very sad indeed. But from what little I can gather, it appears that both of you want to be right. Being right will get you nowhere, but leave you lonely and feeling sad. If you would rather have her in your life than to be the one who is not at fault, then you have to give a little and then a little more. To answer your first question, yes, you probably should have let her walk you back. It sounds (again from what little info you've given) that she was being stubborn and difficult, but sometimes when two people are not connecting you have to throw your hands up and just say, "I don't know how to fix this, but I love you, you're my sister and I want to fix it." If she's unwilling at that point... then try again.

As you know first hand with the short time you had with your father, life is short and the older you get, the shorter it feels. Do you really want to sit around and wonder to yourself if "you should have let her walk you back"? That question is trivial. You have to open yourself up, be vulnerable and be willing to possibly accept blame with where your relationship is at.

My family had a falling out with the other half of our family in 2002 and it has only been in the last year that we have begun to speak again. That's what can happen.

Talk to your sister.

[LaterBloomer]

Johanna, I think that you've answered your own questions. Yes, you should have let her walk you back. (Maye your uncle had talked with her and gotten her to reconsider her treatment of you.) If the relationship matters enough for you to think about her, then you need to work on it. Poptart's advice sounds on target to me.

[CLEP101]

Doesn't anyone have anything to answer this?? banghead

You don't want my advice, First thing I would tell you is the same thing I tell my Soldiers, "stop feeling sorry for yourself", then I would beat her/him even if they are older. Make it clear to her/him that "you are who you are" and they better be happy for you. And then walk away. It will be up to them to make up to you once they realize (after the beating) that they were wrong.
I stay away from the religious side of my family for similar reasons. They are split into three different beliefs.

I have learned not to depend on my family for "similar/but not really" type issues. If someone doesn't look for me, I don't look for them. It is that simple. Regardless if they are family. In the end, they are not going to pay my bills, or take care of me, or my wife and daughter. Don't get me wrong, I love my entire family, but there is only so much I will do for them. My wife and daughter on the other hand, I will do anything for.

My wife had a similar incident with her older brother. After not seeing her for almost 7 years, first thing he did was insult her. She did nothing wrong, and has not spoken to him since. This was 3 years ago. She is still waiting on the apology from him. Everyone tell her she should forgive, but she did nothing wrong. All she wants is the apology.

If I were you, I wouldn't worry too much about her, even though she is your sister. You have done nothing wrong. Live your life and be happy. Eventually she will come around.

Maybe someone else has better advice than me

[STG]

You don't want my advice, First thing I would tell you is the same thing I tell my Soldiers, "stop feeling sorry for yourself", then I would beat her/him even if they are older. Make it clear to her/him that "you are who you are" and they better be happy for you. And then walk away. It will be up to them to make up to you once they realize (after the beating) that they were wrong.
I stay away from the religious side of my family for similar reasons. They are split into three different beliefs.

I have learned not to depend on my family for "similar/but not really" type issues. If someone doesn't look for me, I don't look for them. It is that simple. Regardless if they are family. In the end, they are not going to pay my bills, or take care of me, or my wife and daughter. Don't get me wrong, I love my entire family, but there is only so much I will do for them. My wife and daughter on the other hand, I will do anything for.

My wife had a similar incident with her older brother. After not seeing her for almost 7 years, first thing he did was insult her. She did nothing wrong, and has not spoken to him since. This was 3 years ago. She is still waiting on the apology from him. Everyone tell her she should forgive, but she did nothing wrong. All she wants is the apology.

If I were you, I wouldn't worry too much about her, even though she is your sister. You have done nothing wrong. Live your life and be happy. Eventually she will come around.

Maybe someone else has better advice than me

On one hand, like I said in the beginning, she is my blood and that's the only reason for wanting to make up with her-she is my sister. But on the other hand, I don't miss talking to her (we were never close). I just want to put the name calling to an end...

[CLEP101]

I just want to put the name calling to an end...

Like I said, next time she mouths off, knock her out and put her in her place. She'll eventually get the picture and drop her ignorance and start acting like a big sister. Just bring her back to reality. :patriot:
Oh yeah, try not to get arrested

[FinancialWorld]

I don't know if you stayed with your Christian belief, but the best thing to do is probably "forgive and forget". That is probably the hardest thing in the world to do.

Be the first one to reconcile (which it sounds like you're trying to do). If she is unrepentant, and continues to degrade you, you just have to walk away. She may be bitter about something, or feels like she has to protect you. IDK

Sorry to hear about your father. That must have been really tough on your family.

[CLEP101]

On a side note, disregarding my last two posts, I am sorry to hear about your father. Maybe your sister is upset because of that, I don't know, and maybe that's why she acts like that toward you. Every family is different and how you go about handling things is different for everyone too. I hope you two eventually settle your differences, however I'm not a big believer in "forgive and forget" Only sometimes. Forgive and forget cannot work if you forgive, but she doesn't. You will still have that problem even if you walk away.
This is just me thinking out loud,

[frankiebleyes]

As tough as it sounds sometimes you just have to agree to disagree. I lost my sister over a similar incident for six months two years ago, her choice not mine. During that time our other sister was diagnosed with cancer and died. Her funeral brought the remaining sisters together, but we will never be as close as we once were. Accept the fact that she has her opinion and don't let it cause you to not have a sister. Contrary to what some think, family is important and one day you will wish that you had her in your life.