Just a quick thanks...

[mlwilliamsiv]

Hello my dear friends.

I was extremely glad to share that story with you. It kinda just came out. I sat down to type a few things and the next thing I know...I wrote a novel!

In response to Cinderly's post...thank you for the kind words and support. I do battle with my depression constantly. Everyday is a struggle believe me. The only not so good news is that I am not on any medication and I know I probably do need to be on something. It's just kind of tough because I don't have the financial resources or health insurance to get the help that I know I need.

Based on what my mother told me...depression did run heavy on her side of the family. I told her, "thanks for telling me that now." That made me more upset, because I could have gotten some help years ago. I've seen 2 therapists in the last 7 months. The first guy was okay but I don't think I would have gotten the help I know I need. The second guy was a total quack. I come to him for help and he's complaining to me about his job and how he is working on his Master's to get out of his field!!! What kind of crap is that tell a "patient!!!" I had only 4 visits with him and needless to say...nothing. There was never a fifth visit because the office assistant called me and told me that he quit.

That's why I just try to take it one day at a time. Sometimes I'm okay and some days are good. And there are other days when I wake up depressed for no reason at all. It's just like flipping a switch with me...you never know what you are going to get.

I've been doing some research on what condition I may have but it's hard to really pinpoint because there are so many. I think I can pretty much rule out bipolar disorder, but hey...I could be wrong about that. So I don't know what to do. All I do know is that I can no longer live this way anymore. I want to much out of life and I expect great things from me. I don't want to be hindered by something that I may technically not have any control over. Quiet is kept...I've been this way since I was a child. I think it kinda just started getting worse once I hit my teens.

I do believe what you said Cinderly about it not being my fault. I just wish that I could have gotten the help I needed a long time ago. It's no telling where I would be in my life right now had I done so. I've been living this way for at least the last 12 years. I don't like going through this but this happened to me for a reason. I'm a fighter...I will survive.

Thanks again to everyone that responded to this post. I really wasn't expecting to get any responses. I just wanted to share what was on my heart at the time.

Please pray for me.

From a loyal degree seeker,

Marshall